Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

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21 Female Dating Experts Reveal How to Attract Women

If you want to know exactly how to attract women, look no further.

There are countless how-to guides on attraction flooding the web, yet most of them leave you none the wiser. Why? Because they are written from the opinions of men.

I mean do guys really know what goes on inside a girl’s head? No. Of course not!

So what better way to learn how to attract women than to ask the women themselves? And who better to ask other than 21 of the world’s best female dating experts!

From this group interview you’ll discover what are the BIGGEST attraction killers, how to avoid them, and learn the secrets to building attraction to get the number closes you’ve been longing for.

But first things first, it’s important we cover the core traits women find attractive in a man.

5 Traits Women Find Attractive in a Man

1.

A man of status. Women want to be desired by a powerful man. If you’re perceived to be of higher status around the people you interact with, you hold the magical power to attract infinite women into your life.

Status is determined by two things – how you present yourself and how you behave around women.

Although some factors (genetic makeup and wealth) are somewhat out of our control, there are many small changes you can make to appear like a man of status.

Keep fit, hit the gym, eat healthy, and taking pride in what you wear. If you want to attract high value women start dressing like a high value man.

You don’t have to wear designer labels and flash a rolex to dress well. Just start by dressing more like a man than a boy. Like James Bond or Damon Salvatore in the Vampire Diaries, rather than Harold Wolowitz from The Big Bang Theory.

In terms of how you behave around women, your status is determined by your level of confidence.

2.

Confidence. When it comes to attraction, confidence is everything. It’s like catnip to women.

If you’re a man who goes after what he wants, is a leader of people and has a higher perception of himself over others, women will find you attractive.

As opposed to the guy who’s worried about making a move, follows the crowd, and puts women on a pedestal when he talks to them.

If confidence is something you struggle with, here are a few tips to grow naturally confident:

– Assume every girl is interested in you
– Don’t be ashamed to express your sexual desire
– Focus on teasing a girl rather than complimenting her all the time
– Relax your body posture. Keep your chin up and make slow, non-jerky movements when gesticulating and turning your head.
– When talking to a girl, ask questions to get her qualifying herself to you. eg. “Give me one good reason I should buy you a drink?”

3.

Self-love. Attracting women isn’t all about appearing attractive, it’s about being attractive from within, and expressing your positive qualities to the women you interact with.

You can understand why self-loathing guys struggle to get girlfriends. If you play the victim and hold a negative view on everything, women will repel you.

Learn to love yourself first before you can love someone else. Think “Would I date me?”

The more you invest and ‘love yourself’ the more attractive you’ll be in the eyes of women. And with this, you’ll find women come into your life naturally as a by-product to all of this.

To become more attractive within, take pride in your appearance, and focus on pursuing your passions.

Be adventurous, take up something you’ve always wanted to do. Maybe that’s an extreme sport like rock climbing, surfing or motorcross.

But don’t pursue an activity for the sole reason of impressing women. Do it because YOU want to do it. Whatever your hobbies and interests are, it’s extremely attractive if women can sense your passion in the way you talk about them and the amount of time you dedicate in pursuing them.

4.

A sense of humour. If you can make a girl laugh and show you’re fun to be around, she’ll associate positive feelings with you.

Attraction is an emotion, it’s defined by how a girl feels about you. Her attraction for you is not logically determined by a screening process – your job, looks, hobbies and interests.

So don’t treat your interactions with women like an interview. Dull conversation kills attraction. Rather than ask boring questions like “Where are you from?” Instead play the guessing game. “You sound like you’re an Essex girl with that terrible accent of yours”.

Concentrate on showing your funny side, make lighthearted conversation and tease her senseless.

5.

Playful and exciting. Women love the thrill of danger and excitement. They want to be rescued from the boredom of everyday life. If you can be that guy and provide the experience a girl craves, she’ll find you attractive.

To do this, focus on being playful around women. Joke around, be spontaneous, tease them, and tell interesting stories about your life.

And try role playing different situations. Women love role play. Pretend you’re hiding from FBI agents, and need a girl’s help to escort you to the bar unscathed.

The ability to excite a girl is like a drug – give her what she desires, and she’ll keep coming back for more 

Ok so those are the 5 traits!

Now you need to know how to pepper these core traits throughout your interactions with women.

So let’s quickly go through how to confidently attract a girl you’ve just met 

How to attract women you meet

Smile and hold eye contact. Remain locked in eye contact and follow with a light smile to relieve the tension and avoid looking like an expressionless garden gnome.

By holding eye contact and smiling you are subtly expressing your sexual desire for her in a confident way.

Relax your body language. You want to be looking calm, cool and calculated under pressure. Not like like a meth junkie waiting for his next hit. Keep your body language open, never cross your arms. And lean back slightly so you don’t come across threatening.

Keep your voice low and speak slowly. A calming deep voice is very seductive. Think Joey Tribianni on ‘Friends’ and his famous pickup line “How you doin?”. Speak slowly and accentuate your words like you’re telling a story to captivate her attention.

Listen and give her your full attention. Women love a good listener. Don’t get distracted and break eye contact, even if the Super Bowl is playing on the TV behind her. Be fully engrossed in what she has to say.

Show your sense of humour. Rather than complimenting her and asking vanilla questions like “what do you do for work?” instead, tease her. Break her balls.

Tell her she looks like a low class stripper in that outfit. Or if she’s standing on her own, tell her she’s a loner and has no friends. As long as it’s all tongue-and-cheek you can get away with it 

Make her work for your attention. Use your body language to position yourself so she has to lean in to talk and fight for your attention. Ask questions to get her qualifying herself to you. For example “I have zero time for dull girls, do you do anything fun in your spare time?”

Tell stories, and never brag. Bragging screams neediness and low confidence. “Pick me, please find me attractive!…I make lots of money and drive a Ferrari…. did I mention I make lot’s of money?!”

If you happen to drive a Ferrari, don’t feel the need to tell a girl straight away. Instead tell interesting stories about your life so she can work out for herself whether you’re successful and a man of status.

Show your desire for her. The desire of being desired by another man is extremely sexy for a girl. Unleash the beast! Be the man who goes after what he wants. Tell a girl “You’re the perfect combination of sexy and cute” (a great quote from Crazy Stupid Love) and don’t apologise for saying it.

So now that you know the core traits and how to implement them into your interactions, it’s time to ask what the female dating experts think about attraction!

We had a lot of fun putting this interview together and would like to thank everyone who got involved! Be sure to visit the experts’ sites to learn how they can help you become better at dating

Stephany Alexander

In my opinion, the 3 biggest attraction killers that men are guilty of making:

1. Bragging too much and not being a good listener. Many times men try to impress too much by talking about themselves and bragging, sometimes even exaggerating the truth to impress the woman. Although it’s important to share a bit of information when meeting a woman, bragging can be a huge turnoff and most women can tell instantly when a guy is full of it.

Listen to what a woman says, ask her questions, be interested in what she has to say because it is firstly about her and secondly about you when you initially meet.

2. Not making eye contact. Staring at a woman’s chest or her other assets, looking around the room, texting or fiddling with your smart phone are all huge turnoffs. Your goal is to make a connection with the woman and that is done through eye contact and uninterrupted attention. Anything else feels dis-ingenuous.

3. Do not make sexual innuendos. Don’t make sexual comments, don’t say anything sexual, and definitely don’t touch her upon first meeting her. You are trying to develop trust and this immediately ruins it. A woman wants to feel special and not like a piece of meat. Say something complimentary about her hair, her outfit, her shoes or offer to buy her a drink.

Ellen T. White

1. He talks about nothing but himself. I would cite this as the number one complaint women make. It’s the conversational equivalent of masturbation (crass but true).

2. She slowly starts to realize as they talk that his hygiene/grooming is not up to snuff. Alternatively, she may also realize that she doesn’t like the way he smells personally (a pheromone thing that he can’t do anything about) or his aftershave is overwhelming.

For some women, aftershave can send certain messages or have certain associations that are unpleasant. For instance, if a guy is wearing any kind of Calvin Klein cologne, count me out.

3. He seems to not really be interested in her, the person, but is clearly interested in getting laid. Back in my dating days I had highly developed sensors whereby I could detect whether a man actually really liked me or was just interested in a sexual diversion. Even if I am interested only in sexual diversion myself, I don’t want to be treated like that by the man.

The number 1 way a man can build attraction is to LISTEN – to ask a woman questions and to be sincerely interested in her answers.

Many men (most, in fact) have trouble with this. However, I have known dog ugly men who succeed with women on a grand scale by listening. A man who likes to listen to a woman loves women in general, and this is a BIG turn on.

Neely Steinberg

I’d say the 3 biggest attraction killers in this scenario are:

1. The guy gets too drunk.

2. He touches her too quickly or inappropriately before they develop a real rapport.

3. His attention is easily diverted as they are getting to know each other, as in, he can’t keep his eyes focused on the girl and what she’s saying or he’s not using active listening skills. A man who can listen well is a big turn-on for many women.

Jen Friel

1. Talking too much about themselves. I can’t stand it when a guy comes up to me at a bar and even if he’s attractive just goes on and on about himself. Certainly this works for women as well – but being capable of conversing is definitely a then on.

2. Checking out every other girl that walks by. I get that we are the dad generation but focus for at least the time a girl is standing in front of you. Total pet peeve.

3. Too quickly asking for a number. If I haven’t even finished my first drink and you’re trying to close – or worse, go in for any sort of physical contact I will definitely walk.

Ask questions and be genuinely interested and focused on the girl you are speaking to. Concentrate on conversing and being present while you are with her. She won’t know what to do with herself

Alison Blackman 

That being said, you asked a very open-ended question. For starters, bars are very visual places since they’re usually loud, and fuelled by alcohol. When you’re meeting someone in a different type of setting, like a singles event or a dinner party, the dynamic is different, too.

In terms of attraction killers (in general) I guess I can go out on a limb on this one:

1. The worst kind of turn off is a man who brags and talks only about himself — how much money he makes, his flashy car, the scores of women he’s bedded and how great he is as a lover and so forth – ugh!

Women are turned on by men who are into THEM and who show that they genuinely will listen and share a conversation.

2. A guy who initially is interested and then morphs into the “walking wounded” talking about his last girlfriend, his ex fiance, his ex (or deceased) wife, and how much he misses her and what a saint she was. No woman wants to hear about the one who came before her. And no woman wants to be the rebound relationship. Come back when you’re feeling better!

3. Men who are crude, who curse, who are too physical (hands, hands, hands), who say un classy things about women and who generally act like animals. No way, No how

If I could add another – men who look cute but when you get up close clearly didn’t shower well (or at all) or who have bad breath.

Amanda Rose

1. They check out other woman while talking to their date. This is huge, no matter how beautiful the woman is that walks by, don’t look! Keep your eyes focused on the woman you’re trying to pursue.

2. Sloppy manners and clothes. Image is everything, especially with first impressions. Be polite and be a gentleman. Women love this! Take time to iron and pick out some stylish clothes before heading out. Women love a man who knows how to dress nice.

3. Drinking too much! When you’re out trying to pick up women or on a date keep the drinks to a minimum. I have been hit on countless times by drunk men that smell like they took a bath in the liquor store. The slurred speech, clumsy wild behaviour and bad liquor breath are all major turn offs.

Be yourself! Don’t try to play Mr. Too Cool. Women love a man who is genuine and doesn’t constantly try to impress her. You have a better chance if you are real and open about who you are.

Christie Hartman

1. Talking too much. This is usually due not to self-absorption, but to nervousness or a desire to impress. But it’s a very common mistake men make. Remember, you want to connect with her, not “impress” her. Get her talking too, and find common ground to connect on. Perhaps you both love dogs or both really want to see Italy.

2. Interviewing / interrogating. Some men, in a desire to avoid #1, ask too many questions or seem almost too interested. She begins to feel interrogated, like she’s in a job interview, being evaluated on her answers. Ask questions, let her answer, and then offer your own opinion or thoughts to balance the conversation.

3. Bringing up risky topics. There are plenty of topics that are useful when you get to know someone a little, but are off-limits in early interactions. These include exes, sex, politics, or anything else “serious.” Such topics can scare people away easily if brought up too soon.

The same goes for negativity about any topic. If you’re negative already, she’ll assume there’s much more to come.

Cija Black

1. Talking and not listening.
 There’s nothing worse than a guy who starts gunning down the path to tell you all about him, hardly stops to take a breath and doesn’t let you get a word in edgeways.

Conversations take two people and if you don’t let her speak then you are just giving a speech.

2. He starts bragging about well anything. When a guy goes on and on about his job, vehicles, stuff and hobbies and frames them all in terms of miraculous feats, it gets old really fast. I suspect guys do this to impress, but really what it really does is bring your insecurities front and center and then we just feel sorry for you. We also start to think about those clichés about how a man with a fast car is trying to make up for other deficiencies…

3. He gets grabby
. He walks up to you and instantly puts his hand on your back, your knee or your whatever. I get that they want to make it clear that they are interested “in that way” but assuming that a woman you just met wants you all over her, invading her personal space is well just icky. Read the signs guys and respect her space.

So if you are looking to actually build attraction take that list and do the opposite:

When you approach a woman and start talking, be present and actually engaged in the exchange. Don’t interrupt her sentences or worry so much about the next thing you are going to say, that you don’t hear her. Speak, ask, listen and repeat.

It’s great to share who you are and what your life is about but understand that a woman worth knowing cares more about who you are, what drives you and what you really think about the world. What is in your heart is more important than what is in your driveway. If you really want to impress and keep her attracted stop bragging and start sharing.

When it comes to physical contact with a woman you’ve just met, be respectful. Women don’t like to be pawed but someone they hardly know.

Pay attention to body language and read the signs. If she is leaning away from you it’s not a signal to invade her space. Let her take the lead physically. If she is leaning into you then it might be appropriate to get a bit more physical. But it’s all about reading the signs and respecting her cues.

Vanessa Taylor

1. Talking about an ex is an absolute ‘no no.’ This is a huge turn off for women. The woman in front of you wants to feel as if you have no one else on your mind other than her. If you’re talking about an ex within the first interaction, she’ll fast forward to what it must be like to have a date with you and picture you complaining about the ex.

A woman with healthy boundaries will have zero interest in being your therapist.

2. They do not have an equal conversation. In other words, the man talks about himself too much. A good rule of thumb when you first meet a woman is to never talk longer than a minute before letting her respond (but definitely aim for less!). This shows you’re interested in knowing more about her and she’ll realize you aren’t self-centered.

3. He’s too touchy feely. A man who is always trying to touch a woman he doesn’t know might not go down so well. The same goes with a man saying “hey sexy” or “hey baby.” Women typically don’t like it when a man uses pet names before ever really knowing who she is. Plus both situations say he talks that way to everyone.

A man can build attraction through sincerity. Many men treat women like they’re “one of the herd,” telling her “text me” or “call me.” He’s acting so cocky as in he expects her to pursue him. This comes across, though, as in he’s not very interested if he isn’t make sure to ask for her phone number.

Women also love men who act with class. A man who tells a woman “hit me up” sounds like an uneducated frat boy. Don’t try to be “down.” No matter what men think, women aren’t necessarily looking for “swag.” Quite frankly, swag doesn’t pay the bills anyway.

Shereen Faltas 

1. They seem narcissistic. Often times when a man initiates conversation with a woman at a bar it’s fun because women like to be noticed so all is well right up front. But as the conversation continues it becomes evident that he is a selfish bastard and guess what that means? That means he is a lazy dater. HUGE turn off.

When a man comes up to a woman at a bar it is the first moment of courting, so if he immediately seems selfish she knows he will suck at courting and the romance won’t be there to keep her interested.

Women need to be romanced, courted, showed that they are special. Just imagine romance to women is what sex is to men. But you only get the sex when you have fulfilled her emotional needs first. Selfish guys have a hard time thinking about her rather than themselves so if that’s obvious in the first conversation it’s a nail in the coffin.

2. He seems to have an underlying hatred for you. It’s funny because a lot of the time when a guy goes up to a girl at a bar it’s because he is attracted to her, but because she’s a hot babe it triggers his insecurities and all the girls who didn’t like him in high school, so there’s this sort of underlying hatred for what she represents to him.

Despite how polite he is being, if he lets his snarkiness ooze out (which it inevitably will because women are very intuitive) she will smell his bitterness from a mile away and trust me it’s a repellent.

So the moral of the story is to get over your hang ups, forgive those bitches who weren’t that into you, and move forward towards a legit love.

3. He tries too hard. This may not be good advice for the blonde bombshell at the bar that looks like a porn star, because let’s just be honest SHE is trying too hard too lol.

But like attracts like, so if you’re asking MY advice…I am a super grounded goody ass chick. So I LOVE a goofy guy with a great sense of humor who is comfortable in his skin and obviously knows who he is. In fact I am marrying a man like that in two months 

Many guys try too hard to seem smart or impressive or rich or whatever and it’s just lame.

Women want a genuine connection with a genuine person. Sure they want to be courted and made to feel special, but this means if she says she loves Jazz music you take her to a cool Jazz lounge or concert not that you buy her a lambo.

Women want to feel heard by a real person, not showered with fake crap by a fake person. So be you, love you, and rock that sh*t. It’s hot.

Damona Hoffman 

90% of the time when a woman “becomes disinterested” it wasn’t something that the man did to turn her off. It’s that she actually wasn’t attracted to him in the first place. Sometimes men misread friendly gestures as a woman expressing interest.

If you’re in that 10% that’s actually responsible for making a good connection turn ugly, here are 3 attraction killers that might be getting in your way:

1. Coming on Too Strong. Complimenting her once is flattering, repeating how hot she is, is a turnoff.

Casually grazing her hand with yours when she says something funny is intriguing, groping her like she’s your property the first night you meet is icky. Making momentary eye contact then looking quickly away is sexy, staring her down like she’s your antelope prey is just awkward. And especially for those men at the bar who are three shots in, if you’ve been drinking your perception of her sexual signals could be WAY off so try to sober up first.

2. Your Man Smell. From bad breath to bad B.O., a sensitive lady can really be turned off by your scent.

If you’ve been on the dance floor go to the bathroom and freshen up before you make your move. Also be careful with cologne. Most women prefer a clean scent to the smell of a man bathed in Old Spice. No matter how good you think it smells, use all scents in moderation.

3. Your Cellphone. Studies have shown that the mere presence of a cellphone on a date (even if it’s just sitting on the table) creates an environment of mistrust and disconnection among partners. If you’re interested in a girl, don’t hide your anxiety by trying to show your mobile popularity. Put the phone down and focus on her and you’ll be heads and tails above the rest.

The best way to build attraction with a woman is to LISTEN TO HER. Most people just wait for their turn to speak but when you really hear what a woman says and ask questions or tell personal stories that build off of what she said, she’ll take note of you. And if you can make her laugh in the process (without trying too hard), you’re golden!!

WOW!

A huge THANK YOU to all the female dating experts who contributed to this interview!

Remember to give this post a share if you thought it was helpful 

                         A kiss that is never tasted, is forever and ever wasted

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